I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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