I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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