That's intense
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
