How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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