Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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