Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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