i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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