i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
