just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
