I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
