the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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