I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize