Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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