I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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