3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Still dying that you shit outside
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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