Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
