dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
