We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
