i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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