I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
God, I missed his penis.
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