he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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