my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
