saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
