It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
