pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I fill condoms, not promises.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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