its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
