i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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