i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
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