i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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