Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
