I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
