not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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