I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
