he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just want to make out with him forever
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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