I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
