A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize