So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
