I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
