Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize