just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
