You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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