Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Randomize
