my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
