help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Drunk is not a location!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize