Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
