Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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