It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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