and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
