You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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