think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
