rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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