just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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