I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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