Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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