I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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