We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
