Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize