Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
