My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
