so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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