By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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