so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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