so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
