It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
