it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
