I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
