So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
