So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
