1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
it glows. i had to have it.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize