His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
